“What?!!!” [insert swear word]
If that’s your first answer to an email or a comment someone has made have you ever stopped to think why you had that reaction?
Have you paused before you reacted and focused on what feeling has come up in you?
What was it in what they’ve said, or done, that makes you feel angry, upset or annoyed?
These strong emotions that have such a tight grip on you you’ve stopped breathing. From an email or a simple comment, right?
Last week I wrote about the feeling of receiving an email when a client is leaving. And this came up for me. I had to good fortune to have watched a few videos about Mel Robbins 5 Second Rule (do a search for it) and counted down from 5. Maybe 10 😉
I pondered whether the feeling I was having was not just disappointment but the questioning of my ability. Or questioning how I see myself in the world. What was that I was in myself that was being attacked because how else could I get this het up.
When I’m that upset the energy is ferocious.
It’s so powerful and I feel the only outlet is an outward expression of that upset. The only outlet is banging a desk or throwing something or feeling so angry that I can only swear. I found out a very long time ago that’s not useful for me or those around me. I need to confront those feelings head-on by reading that email or listening to that person again. What is it in there that is causing this upset?
I might have to walk away from them at this point and I definitely gonna will not reply to that email straight away.
So, think about a situation like this in your life. Something about what they’ve said has really hit a nerve with you and you need to know what that is. Because if you can figure out what that is you can change your response.
To ‘fix’ it, you need to figure out what specific word phrasing or tone of voice they used that got you so upset. If you can somehow pinpoint back in your life where this started that could be useful. However, you don’t need to look backwards. Just focus on where you’re at right then and process what is going on for you.
Ask yourself, why am I feeling like this?
What has this brought up for me? Question that feeling. Question those thoughts. Because it will lead to change that will be positive and make you a better wiser human being. You will still get those moments but the sooner you start confronting and questioning them the better human you will become.
You will become a person who can deal with more. Be more responsible for who you are and your actions. Your potential will be greater and you will have resilience built on something positive and optimistic. If you go deep into it you are opening up and opening up leads to positivity, wisdom and you being a guiding light. Because as it’s been said before it only takes one light to light up the room for everyone else.
Start counting down slowly today.
Glenn ‘timer’ Edley
Quote for the week
“Success is making the most of who you are with what you’ve got.”